Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Talking

I've had many comments about how open I am to talking about my grief. To be honest, I don't have much choice. I am the kind of person who used to be very private. I just don't let many people close. However, losing Abigail has made it necessary for me to reach out to others. If you had visited me those first few weeks, and some of you did, you would have witnessed my verbal vomiting. I basically just dumped all I was thinking on feeling on each and every person who walked through my door. And ask my friend Jenny if you think I am exaggerating. That early grief was so overbearing that I felt I would physically rip apart if I didn't. I told everyone everything. I have a little more control now, but at the same time, I still think it is so important for grieving parents to feel like they can do that. I freaked more than a few people out by telling them all my deepest emotions-ha! I scared more than a few people away. Some people are still scared of me. But, at the same time, I found close friends, and we became close fast since I had no walls. I don't want other grieving parents to feel that they need to hide their pain. Talking is vital and necessary. Your grief is not something you need to hide or feel like you need to carry alone. You can't do it. It doesn't make you stronger to pretend you are ok. In reality, it probably takes more strength to say you need someone to help you through this, or, as in my case, lots of someones. I just want to thank each of you for putting up with my verbal vomit those first weeks and months, and for continuing to put up with it now. I have definitely learned that my filter needs to go. That is not to say that I need to say things that are hurtful or damaging, but that I need to speak up for what really matters and not just get carried away in the superficial monotony of daily conversation and never deal with bigger things. I've never had much patience for superficial anyway, but I am more likely to actually tell you that now. If that makes you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. If it makes you uncomfortable to hear about grief or orphans or anything else I need to talk about, I'm sorry. But somethings are more important than being comfortable. I can't settle for just being comfortable anymore.

7 comments:

  1. i am so glad you feel safe being open. you sharing your grief helps others grieving. it also teaches everyone how to help people who are hurting. i love you!

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  3. I worded that wrong. Here's what I meant to say, lol.

    I love you and I'm so thankful you were open and continue to do so. Filter? yes, lose it. As much as it is helpful to you to let it all out, it helps others to know what you are thinking. I think its more uncomfortable to be superficial, and maybe that's why I love you so.

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  4. I wasn't put off in the least by how open you were and continue to be. I was actually worried that you were going to shut down and not have anything to say. The fact that you were open let me know that you were searching for a compartment for those emotions, trying to find a place where something that HAS no place, can go. I also feel like however you feel and however you handle those feelings is right...no matter what it is (well, with self destruction being an exception...thankfully one I don't worry about with you). You have gathered strength around you and have built this amazing support for your family. And if making a few people uncomfortable happened along the way, well...that's on them, not you. <3

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  5. I love it every time you open your mouth. Period. I know it's good for you and I'm thankful you do it. Both then and now. :)

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  6. It's good to talk. I do it all the time no matter what the situation. I felt/feel priviledged to hear you speak about your feelings. Always do. I guess that means that I agree with Amy. :-)

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  7. I lost my 21 year old son to a car accident last May. This blog post just described me perfectly. I have always been a talker, but even for me this is different. I feel like I need to tell people how I feel. I need to talk it out loud or I will certainly go insane. Thank you for sharing this and letting me know I am not alone.

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