So I haven't been great about blogging the past year...

Dear long neglected blog,

I wanted to do a quick catch up on some of the things we have been busy with over the last year.  First in August, we welcomed Mila Love, and she has been pure joy for us.

Nathan worked on his eagle scout project.  We are so proud of his strength and bravery.  He honored his sister and tried to save other children at the same time.  Here is an article on his work.

Nathan's Eagle Scout project-in memory of Abigail

And Michael, Mila, and I travelled to DC to urge our government to issue a rear visibility standard.  The legislation requiring a new standard was signed by the president on 2008.  It passed unanimously with 80 co sponsors and bipartisan support.  The new standard was due out in 2011.  It is 2013 and this is unacceptable.  We bought plane tickets and joined a group of parents in DC on April 11, the 3rd anniversary of losing Abigail.  We interviewed with CNN, spoke to USA Today, participated in a press conference, and met with our senators and representative in their office.  We hope they do the right thing.  Keeping our children in danger because of bureaucracy is simply unacceptable.  With 50 kids hit each week, and 70,000 backover accidents having occurred since this bill was signed, we must do something now.  Blind zones of up to 50 feet behind vehicles is more than dangerous for all of us, but especially the elderly, the disabled, and children.  We must protect them, and ourselves.  We are at risk of causing one of these accidents every time we are behind the wheel because we simply can not see.  The cost of cameras is minimal.  It adds less than $100 to the cost of a new car.  We have done so much to protect passengers inside vehicles.  It is not time to protect those outside the vehicles.  We strongly encourage anyone reading this to contact your members of Congress in Washington today to urge them to make sure this rule comes out immediately and that it is effective in such a way to prevent these accidents.  34% of preventable fatalities in children are caused by backovers.  It is too late for Abigail, but many other lives will be saved because of this standard and rear view cameras on all vehicles.  Here is our interview at CNN and the article at USA Today. 

CNN interview

USA Today article

Living a life of passion

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Living a life of passion...that is what my Abigail did so very well. That is the lesson I am trying to learn from her. I have always tried to live a life that is respectful of how short life actually is. Life is too short to be easily offended or dramatic. Life is too short to waste. I have always tried to parent that way as well. I take 10 million pictures. We don't just have traditions--we have every possible tradition. We don't just celebrate a holiday--we do everything we can find related to that holiday. Birthdays are huge around my house. But in day to day stuff too. I want each of them to feel special and loved. I have always tried to take advantage of every minute

But now, my drive to a life of passion is more than those moments. It is more than just memories and special days. Abigail has taught me an awareness of the fleeting nature of this world even more than I knew before. Instead of spending my days planning our future lives, I want to be focused on our eternal lives. Instead of planning for a new car, or camps, or field trips, I want to be focused on world changing. I don't know if I am even putting this into words that make sense. My eyes are so open right now to how much we take for granted--how much we, particularly in modern-day America, get too content too easily, or too worried too easily about things that just don't matter in eternity. The way we put blinders on to how worthless most of our pursuits are. Studying history my whole life, I know how much we have in this modern world to distract us from truth.

I have been listening to the book Radical by David Platt. This book speaks to my heart in so many ways. Platt puts into words so mucn more clearly than I can this need I feel to get outside of myself. I have always felt that drive, but our experience with Abigail gives me the courage. It gives me the sight.

So I encourage you, as I encourage myself, to step outside of yourself. Re-focus your life on what actually matters. Life is short. Live the one you have to the fullest. Don't take a moment for granted. Life an Abigail-style life full of passion. Minister to the least of these. Take the blinders off and see the needs and the pain around you--in our community and in our world.

As much as I want to just scream in frustration each morning when I wake up without my baby girl, I chose instead to honor her memory. Each time I think of her, I want to check myself. I want to live a life that is worthy of the passion with which she met the world.

Sisters

Most mornings with Abigail began with intense screaming. Angry screaming. Loud, angry screaming. The screaming continued until you ran across the house, half-alseep, terrified, not knowing where you were going, and opened her door to be greated with a huge smile. Abigail just isn't one to waste any of her day. It was very inconvenient to be stuck in her bed, awake, and wasting moments just because momma happened to still be asleep at 6:30.

Many mornings, Anna Faith, who was closest to Abigail's room, would reach her before I did, and I could just hide under the covers for another 30 minutes or so. My little momma would climb into Abigail's bed, lift Abigail over the side, and drop her onto her slide, so that she could slide down and start her day. Terrifying, yet adorable. They would then have girly time--lots of Abigail being bossy (which she loved), and Anna Faith taking care of the her (which Anna Faith loved).

My favorite morning, I awoke realizing that it was one of those mornings. The ones were I had been gifted with those few extra moments of sleep. I could hear a party on the other side of the house and went to check it out. The scene I found is forever stuck in my head. It is the picture I long for--sisters. Anna Faith and Abigail were decked out head to toe in girly-ness...bracelets, earrings, necklaces, tutus, even crowns. They were dancing and singing girly pop songs into microphones--taking turns, singing together, interacting, being the star...

My heart longs for that again. I do not have a sister. I have wanted one my whole life. I was determined to give my daughter a sister, and here she was now. Old enough to really play with her. Old enough to be her confidante, her friend, her partner in crime, her rock star sidekick. It was beautiful. Perfect. I am so thankful we were blessed with Abigail long enough to have that moment. That moment will be something Anna Faith and I both treasure until we meet little bit again.

My passionate one

Abigail is a spunky little girl (I refuse to use past tense--she IS a spunky girl). She always knows what she wants. A friend visited this week that used to watch Abigail while I taught at co-op. She knew my baby girl's passionate side well. She told me about one day at co-op. The big kids were headed outside playing and the little ones were staying in. Abigail definitely qualified as a little one--both in age and stature. However, when the big kids were headed out, she thought she should go too. She, in fact, was so positive she should go that she proceeded to through a full-fledged fit to emphasize her point to the sweet ladies watching the kids that day. The other ladies were quick to tell my friend that "Abigail is different. Yes, she is a little one, but we let her out with the big kids." (they must have already learned the consequences) She thought she was one of them afterall. She was independent and fully capable of handling herself on the playground--at least, so she thought. My friend also told me about my sweet little momma Anna Faith who would follow Abigail around--at just the right distance to not upset her--to make sure she didn't hurt herself. The two of them are polar opposites, but make the best team. Such a treasure--such a vivid memory--such a perfect picture of my little bit's passion.

Abigail, I miss your fits. I miss the way you would lay yourself on the ground kicking and screaming until you thought we weren't watching you, and the way you would reposition yourself to where you knew you were seen. I miss our daily battle of wills (which you usually won). I miss your zest for life--singing twinkle twinkle or shake your booty as loud as you can in the car, impromptu performances on the fireplace, waving bye to me at the door as you thought you were headed out on your own...I don't have a fraction of the fire you have my baby girl, but I am trying. I am trying because I know you would keep me moving if you were here.