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Living a life of passion...that is what my Abigail did so very well. That is the lesson I am trying to learn from her. I have always tried to live a life that is respectful of how short life actually is. Life is too short to be easily offended or dramatic. Life is too short to waste. I have always tried to parent that way as well. I take 10 million pictures. We don't just have traditions--we have every possible tradition. We don't just celebrate a holiday--we do everything we can find related to that holiday. Birthdays are huge around my house. But in day to day stuff too. I want each of them to feel special and loved. I have always tried to take advantage of every minute
But now, my drive to a life of passion is more than those moments. It is more than just memories and special days. Abigail has taught me an awareness of the fleeting nature of this world even more than I knew before. Instead of spending my days planning our future lives, I want to be focused on our eternal lives. Instead of planning for a new car, or camps, or field trips, I want to be focused on world changing. I don't know if I am even putting this into words that make sense. My eyes are so open right now to how much we take for granted--how much we, particularly in modern-day America, get too content too easily, or too worried too easily about things that just don't matter in eternity. The way we put blinders on to how worthless most of our pursuits are. Studying history my whole life, I know how much we have in this modern world to distract us from truth.
I have been listening to the book Radical by David Platt. This book speaks to my heart in so many ways. Platt puts into words so mucn more clearly than I can this need I feel to get outside of myself. I have always felt that drive, but our experience with Abigail gives me the courage. It gives me the sight.
So I encourage you, as I encourage myself, to step outside of yourself. Re-focus your life on what actually matters. Life is short. Live the one you have to the fullest. Don't take a moment for granted. Life an Abigail-style life full of passion. Minister to the least of these. Take the blinders off and see the needs and the pain around you--in our community and in our world.
As much as I want to just scream in frustration each morning when I wake up without my baby girl, I chose instead to honor her memory. Each time I think of her, I want to check myself. I want to live a life that is worthy of the passion with which she met the world.