I don't dream much. Never have. When I do dream, I notice. I want to dream of Abigail, but when I do, the experience shakes me. Here are the 3 dreams I have had of her.
1-Early on I dreamed she was sleeping with me. This was the most real dream I have every had. I felt her. I smelt her. I touched her soft baby hair. I couldn't see her. I was asleep myself in my dream. It begain as a realization that there was a little person in bed with Michael and I. Having kids, that isn't an uncommon occurence, but in my dream state, I couldn't quite figure out which one it was. I just enjoyed the moment of snuggling with my little one. As I started to form the thought in my head that this was Abigail, she stood up and jumped from the bed and disappeared. I grabbed for her and woke up sobbing.
2-I dreamed we were in a long hall with lots and lots of people. There were stairs at intervals in this hall. Michael was up ahead of me and he was coming toward me so excited and emotional. He was holding Abigail and screaming "I found her! I found her!" I was so thrilled. My ecstasy at that moment can't even be put in words. We had "lost" her, but now she was back with us. I started trying to share my enthusiam with all the people around us. I was putting her in their faces and showing her to them saying, "she is back! he found her!" To my surprise and annoyance, no one even seemed to notice. They gave me such a strange look and then passed on by. They didn't see her. I was so confused so I carried her to a large mirror in the hall and looked in. The child I thought I was holding wasn't there. I could see her in my arms, but in the mirror, she disappeared.
3-I dreamed that I was crying and was so desperate to see my baby girl. Michael said to me that you know you can visit her anytime you want. I was very surprised and frustrated that no one had told me before. If I could have been visiting her, why didn't anyone say?! Well, I went to visit her (I have no idea how I travelled), and arrived at the gates of heaven. It was very much a pearly gates kind of place, and I could see Abigail but she was behind a heavy plastic sheet--much the same as you would see in construction areas. I could see her and talked to her (though muffled) but I couldn't actually touch her--only through the plastic. My lasting impression of that dream is that she was smiling. Oh, how she was smiling. Her smile was never-ending and didn't lessen the entire time. I knew in the dream that she was smiling because she was happy, but also because she was happy to see me.