Monday, August 8, 2011

Anna Faith

My oldest daughter is a little momma. She knows how things work and is capable of running this house without me I think, lol. She is my helper in all things-because she wants to be. She likes to be in charge. Before I am fully awake, she will have 3 little people dressed and fed. She blows me away.

We haven't always had the best relationship. In fact, I would say, before losing Abigail, we would butt heads more often than had a conversation. She is incredibly strong willed and so am I. It can cause tension. But grief has a strange way of smoothing out those bumps. Anna Faith has gone through heavy grief and trauma at losing her sister. She has been torn down in ways no little girl should have to be. She still struggles with anxiety and fear of losing another sibling. And oh, how she misses her sister.

One of my best memories of those 2 girls is the morning I woke up and found them decked out head to toe in princess gear-sashes, crowns, jewelry galore-each holding a microphone, having a concert and dance party to taylor swift songs. I cling to that memory. Anna Faith and Abigail had struggled to find common ground at first, but that morning, my heart was so warm that they were finally clicking. They were finally the sisters I had prayed they would be. To watch Anna Faith lose that is equally heavy with my own loss.

She is a fighter though, my stoic one. She feels deeply, but doesn't let most see that side of her. I have held her weeping so many times over the last year. I know those depths of loss. But she goes on. She embraces her new siblings with a passion I wouldn't have expected from her before wrestling with grief. She nurtures and loves, and expects nothing in return from those 2 and her youngest brother.

We were also blessed to bring her with us on the second half of our adoption trip. She still has moments of crying for those left behind. I know the experience will shape her the rest of her life. I pray that she never forgets. That she remembers the desperation and the need. That she acts.

On of my biggest worries the first few months after losing Abigail was that Anna Faith and Samuel's relationship seemed to have
disappeared. Before, they were inseparable. They didn't know how to be apart. But the pain is very isolating. Now, however, they are back to being best friends. They adore each other and have the best time. They are a pair. As they get older, that relationship will change, but so far it is growing right along with them.

Samuel soon...and then the ones you are waiting on, our newbies...


  1. I love Anna Faith. I feel so honored and special when she shows me she kinda likes me. :) She is such a great little mama! I ache for her loss and hate that you have to bare her pain as well. You do an amazing job. She is lucky to have you.

  2. I have know both of your middles for sometime now and i can see how loving and caring they can be......such a blessing! Anna faith is such a fighter and i pray that she grows closer to God and Samuel through an experience only He could have seen and used for a greater good. May God continue to bring her strength during those hard times, grace when life seems to throw a curveball and joy as she remembers those moments spent w/her sidekick in heaven, Abigail.

  3. Grieving is such hard work...and really it just stinks! (sorry for the lack of a more eloquent word! :)
    Despite the fact that we *know* that we will be reunited with our loved ones is *so* hard! I wish I could get back the days that the concept of "grieving" was watching a sappy Hallmark movie and then moving on to a meal and happier times. The loss of our daughter was indeed spiritually strengthening and definitely helped in prioritizing....but so extremely achingly difficult. I truly commend your family for reaching out to these precious children through your pain. I can't remember the exact quote but remember hearing someone say that if you are ever feeling down, the best way to respond is by helping someone else. I can't wait to hear more about how things are going since we hope to be in your shoes soon!