Monday, August 8, 2011
My oldest daughter is a little momma. She knows how things work and is capable of running this house without me I think, lol. She is my helper in all things-because she wants to be. She likes to be in charge. Before I am fully awake, she will have 3 little people dressed and fed. She blows me away.
We haven't always had the best relationship. In fact, I would say, before losing Abigail, we would butt heads more often than had a conversation. She is incredibly strong willed and so am I. It can cause tension. But grief has a strange way of smoothing out those bumps. Anna Faith has gone through heavy grief and trauma at losing her sister. She has been torn down in ways no little girl should have to be. She still struggles with anxiety and fear of losing another sibling. And oh, how she misses her sister.
One of my best memories of those 2 girls is the morning I woke up and found them decked out head to toe in princess gear-sashes, crowns, jewelry galore-each holding a microphone, having a concert and dance party to taylor swift songs. I cling to that memory. Anna Faith and Abigail had struggled to find common ground at first, but that morning, my heart was so warm that they were finally clicking. They were finally the sisters I had prayed they would be. To watch Anna Faith lose that is equally heavy with my own loss.
She is a fighter though, my stoic one. She feels deeply, but doesn't let most see that side of her. I have held her weeping so many times over the last year. I know those depths of loss. But she goes on. She embraces her new siblings with a passion I wouldn't have expected from her before wrestling with grief. She nurtures and loves, and expects nothing in return from those 2 and her youngest brother.
We were also blessed to bring her with us on the second half of our adoption trip. She still has moments of crying for those left behind. I know the experience will shape her the rest of her life. I pray that she never forgets. That she remembers the desperation and the need. That she acts.
On of my biggest worries the first few months after losing Abigail was that Anna Faith and Samuel's relationship seemed to have
disappeared. Before, they were inseparable. They didn't know how to be apart. But the pain is very isolating. Now, however, they are back to being best friends. They adore each other and have the best time. They are a pair. As they get older, that relationship will change, but so far it is growing right along with them.
Samuel soon...and then the ones you are waiting on, our newbies...