Tuesday, August 30, 2011


Samuel is probably the hardest of the kids to write about and this is mostly because he has had the hardest time. It has been devastating watching my deep, thoughtful little boy wrestle with grief. He still has days where he is so consumed with it, or with anger, that he just can't pull it together. We are so thankful for the Amelia center and all the help that they have offered him, but this will be something he struggles with his entire life. He just misses her. His only wish is for her to come back and he can't process that this won't happen.

In the beginning , he was so desperate to be with her that we we were worried he would find ways to send himself to heaven. We are less worried about that these days, but he still has that longing. We all do.

Samuel is my ponderer. He is still and thoughtful. He is quiet, but when he speaks, it is usually profound. He always surprises me with the things he comes up with and the things he is thinking about. Ask anyone that has spent one on one time with him, and you will hear what a character he is. But you have to listen for it. You have to wait for it. It is easy to miss.

He is also a cuddler. That boy can not get enough of snuggles and love. He will quite happily climb in anyone's lap for a snuggle and he hugs everyone. I love his heart. He is very sensitive to other's emotions. I think because he moves slower and is super observant, he just catches more.

I thought his age would protect him with losing Abigail, but I was mistaken. No, he is far too bright for his own good. His intelligence has made him very aware of all that happened that day, and his deep nature has left him pondering it again and again.

He is doing very well with his new siblings. He was the only of the 4 children at home that did not get to travel with us in the adoption, and that was hard on him. When we first arrived home, he had a hard time wanting our time and attention, which was in short supply trying to get new kids adjusted. But after those first couple of weeks, he was getting caught up with lots and lots and lots of touch and the newbies were adapting. He is learning to play with them and is super proud and protective of them. He loves sharing a room with Malachi.

But his favorite always has been Anna Faith. He would move mountains for her. Their relationship is so incredibly special. I love that they have each other. He always stands up for her.

Samuel is a special, unique kid. Please continue to pray for him and his daily struggles with grief.


  1. He sounds like a great kid. I wish we knew him better. When you describe him I am reminded of one of my kiddos in particular. What a special little guy. :-)

  2. Great description Brandy! Praying for Samuel today!! Great post!

  3. he is one of my most favorite kids in the world. his serious, inquisitive eyes, and super tight snuggles just melt me. he knows it too. my kids adore him, and james is fascinated by him too. thank you for trusting me with him weekly and for bonus times too. i value that so very much.

  4. My youngest son, Sebastian, was 5 when his 21 year brother passed away. He had an incredibly tough time the first year. Lots of melt downs and lots of tears. Some people wanted me to just make him "behave". I finally began explaining it this way to those people. If I was 38 years old and wanted to cry my whole day away and sometimes felt like throwing a fit because life was not fair - my child had died... then why would I expect my 5 year to feel any different? He was so very angry. It has been 16 months now and he still has tough days, but he is not as fragile as he was. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps more than you may know.

  5. Samuel has my heart! Praying for you all, but Samuel has really taken my heart!
    Love to the family, Melodye.