Friday, June 24, 2011


Sitting here rocking my newest son...praying for God to heal his deep scars...they are so deep...and I am so overwhelming saddened that we have let this crisis develop. We, the Church, the hands and feet of the creator of the universe, sit by and let these kids suffer and wait, for years. How does that happen? How do these very real children sit and suffer while we debate politics, culture? While we complain about not having enough time, or money, or patience, or not having the "calling"? When we have been commanded to take care of them. The fatherless. Those who can't care for themselves but have been forced to live in a state of hyper vigilance for years for their own survival. Those who have to be taught what security and safety is. That it is ok to relax and play. They have to be taught to play-sweet babies.

You see, my kids were in a good place. And they are doing so good. And yet, they have suffered without families. Without love. Without touch and security and safety. Oh how they have suffered. Why are we not screaming? Protesting? Demanding life for these kids? Why do we put the problem off on someone else and give a hundred excuse why we don't go? Is adoption easy? No. Is it worth it? Oh yes.

But beyond that, no matter how little money or time or patience you have, it is far better than what these kids have now. They have nothing. If you don't go, who will? How is nothing better than a family? Can we even comprehend nothing in this country? Even those in the best places have nothing. Oh how my hearts hurt for them, and for those in the not good places. I can't even think about it. We think, now is not a good time for me. We need to save money or we need a better job or we need more space. We can't deal with their needs. Someone else will go. In the mean time, the kids sit. They wait. They are real. I have seen their faces. I have held their hands.

Thinking to my time in orphanage around the world and the most overwhelming thought is the poverty. These kids truly have nothing. Even the clothes of their back-as too small, and old, and so very out of style those outfits are-even those things aren't theirs. They are labelled with a number. They are communally shared. They own nothing. I look at my son's feet deformed by wearing shoes too small for him for years and I hurt for the time he waited for me. And he didn't even own those blasted shoes. Nothing.

And here we sit in absolute luxury in this country. And we wait till it is convenient to us if we do anything to help. We give excuses and we say not everyone should adopt, when in fact we need to just step up and do something.

God show me how I can make a difference. Don't let the trappings of comfort and money block me from doing Your work. Abigail has taught me so well how this world and all those things we are concerned with every day just Do. Not. Matter.

Watching my newest son violently rock himself to sleep every night reminds me again and again of those still waiting. Babies with such hope and such pain. Where are we church?


  1. Jennifer Campbell suggested I read your blog. I adopted a special needs boy from China more than four years ago. He came to me with a small backpack containing two books, three "binkies", and two apples. As your heart breaks for what they have been through, it is lifted by what you can do for them, and them for you.

    The rocking gets better. I rocked Noah tightly for months. He still needs to sleep with me to feel a sense of comfort. But it gets better and you will see a child who blossoms and will feel enriched that you get to watch.

    I regularly hear how lucky Noah is to have me. I have never once felt that way. Every day I thank God that I have Noah and thank Him for the person Noah has allowed me to become. I

  2. I LOVED this post!!! I read it out loud to my husband...he said that we should bring it to church with us and post it! Thank you for saying the truth with such passion and such love for the children. It just makes me ache to have our twins in my arms....hopefully soon!

  3. God led me to your blog. We have 10 children (3 bio and 7 adopted). Our Chrissie, a special needs orphan from Serbia, went to live with Jesus on May 19, 2010, following her open-heart surgery. I couldn't agree with you more. Thank you for sharing your heart. Our hearts are broken, too, not only for the loss of our daughter on earth, but for the 147+ million orphans around the world who wait simply because we are too selfish to GO. :-(

  4. One again you words leap out as if to say don't wait or give a voice in such darkness, for those whom God has sent us to help for those quiet words barely spoken for. Thank you and Abigail for bringing hope for those who have little, as always such a big heart in both of you and I pray that those who have no one shall be brought into such loving arms as yours <3.

  5. Sitting the midst of so many children who desperately need ONE mama ONE daddy..your post screams what we are feeling. Once you see it with your own eyes, hear them calling "mama papa" over and over, see the longing in their eyes for their own, feel their little hands grab a hold of yours only for a moment before being shooed away by a nanny...well its just heartbreaking, desperate and we raise our voices to the Father - help them to hold onto hope. Lord we pray more families will come with open eyes, open hearts.

  6. I found your blog many moons ago when I first considered homeschooling my youngest and last child. It was an inspiration to read then. I am so glad to have ound my way to your blog again and felt like I was catching up when I read the latest posts. Congratulations on your newest son and daughter and i am glad the Lord has blessed your family with them and them with y'all. Blessings in Christ. ~Analisa
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