There is a certain level of depression you go through being in a new place when you don't know anyone. That isn't helped if you add in a language barrier and a feeling of dependency because of lack of transportation. I know all of this. I was ready for the culture shock and the adjustment. It doesn't make it easier. I didn't quite realize the emotional exhaustion of leaving the kids each day. I expected it would be hard but not as hard as it is. I did expect how hard it would be to leave the others at home. Skyping with them both helps and hurts. I am so thankful that I have part of my family with me. I am thankful I have access to email and facebook and connections from home. And I'm thankful we are here doing this no matter if it is hard.
These kids needs families. They need families willing to go through the stress that is international adoption. They need moms and dads who will fundraise and paper chase and fly across the world. They are worth it. I look into so many little faces each day hungry for their turn. The kids at our orphanage are loved and taken care of. Their nannies really care about them and do their best. And still these kids need homes. The best that they can do at the orphanage is not a substitute for a family. It isn't good enough. Each little pair of eyes seeking mine. Each little hand reaching for me. Each little voice asking momma? My heart breaks for those we will leave behind. The hope in their eyes each day tears my heart to pieces. I think of my children at home. Of Abigail. Of Eli. What if they were here? What if it were their sweet little face filled with hope and anticipation again and again-watching other children being picked. If I could take them all I would. How do we sit by and let these kids wait? How did I for so many years?
All of that and I think I am trying to say it is worth it. It isn't easy. But it is all completely worth it. Temporary discomfort for me. A lifetime of reward. For Grace and Malachi, I would have swam here. They have no idea of the life and love waiting on them. They are just thrilled to get a little special attention and extra playtime. Neither ever knew it before. Neither ever had a mother in their life or a relative visit. The others deserve to be picked, love, wanted as well. Be courageous. Be willing to sacrifice and step out in faith. Do you part to end this crisis. Even if just one remained, this would be a crisis. It means everything to them, but it will change you as well. For those of you on this path still waiting to meet your little ones. Hang in there. It is worth it.